You wrote a book… a book full of intrigue, crime, maybe a few people die, but that’s just the cost of doing business. You could call the cops, but why not call us instead? We’ll take your case, and we never close.

Send the following items, and make sure you’re not followed:

A photo ID

A bio of 300 words or less

A complete synopsis of the book (up to 500 pages)

The first 20 pages (12 point New Times Roman, double-spaced).

If your book ain’t done yet, don’t waste our time flatfoot.

And make sure you’re over 40; we ain’t got time for no kids here, got it?